well swell about two weeks ago I fond this wep but I don't remember the name here is the rest of it
November 17, 1983
Were staying. Mike and Kate, theyre helping me take care of the boys. They keep telling me theyre sorry, and that the fire was probably just a terrible accident faulty wiring maybe. It doesnt make me feel any better to think that faulty wiring took Mary. It doesnt explain why she was on the ceiling, but what do I tell people? I tried to tell Mike, what I think what I think happened that night. He just looked at me, this look like hes sure Im crazy. He must have told Kate something too. Out of nowhere she said this morning, I should think about seeing a shrink. How can I talk to a stranger about this? I never saw a shrink for everything I went through in the Marines, and I got through that. My friends think Im going insane. Who knows, maybe I am
November 26, 1983
Alright, I guess Ill try this again but I cant say its helping. I dont even know if I want to remember what happened today. I spoke to the police. They say the investigation is ongoing, but I know they dont have any real leads. I asked it theyd found the cause of the fire and they said they couldnt say anything yet. They wont even tell me if this is officially considered a crime. Heres the odd thing about our discussion they asked me the same questions they asked the night of the fire. Where was I? How was my relationship with Mary in the weeks prior to the fire? Any problems with the boys? Whats going on???
November 30, 1983
Its 4am and I cant fall back asleep. I wake up to the smallest noise now, or maybe it wasnt a noise. Its like my senses are tweaked and I just cant shut them off. Everything lately feels like those instances when you remember a dream a few days after had it, but then you cant remember if it was a dream of if it actually happened? I keep going over that night in my head why did I ever get out of bed? Im so sorry, Mary. Im so sorry I let this happen to you. Can you ever forgive me? What can I do to get rid of this pain?
December 4, 1983
Last night I was sitting in Sam and Deans room, in the dark, and I heard these noises Mike said it was the wind, and okay, maybe it was, but it sounded almost like whispering, like someone was whispering a name, under their breath, again and again like something is out there in the dark, watching us I stayed up all night, just watching them, protecting them. From what, I dont know. Am I protecting them? Am I hurting them? I havent let them out of my sight since the fire. Dean still hardly talks. I try to make small talk, or ask him if he wants to throw the baseball around. Anything to make him feel like a normal kid again. He never budges from my side or from his brother. Every morning when I wake up, Dean is inside the crib, arms wrapped around baby Sam. Like hes trying to protect him from whatever is out there in the night. Sammy cries a lot, wanting his Mom. I dont know how to stop it, and part of me doesnt want to. It breaks my heart to think that soon he wont remember her at all. I cant let her memory die.tever is out there in the night.
December 7, 1983
The police were back. I cant believe it. More questions Ive already answered a million times. More time spent away from my sons, going in circles, getting nowere this is all so stupd useless!
Had a drink around seven soon as boys went down. Having one now. IT doesnt help me sleep, but I keep hopng itl clear my head sometimes it does, just for a sec, and then its all muddled again.
One thing clear to me the only way Im going to kno
December 8, 1983
Woke up this morning with a nasty hangover Wasnt in the mood to do much of anything, much less have a heart to heart with Mike, who jumped on me the second I walked into the kitchen. He was going on about how I have to get myself together, for the boys but he seemed more concerned about the garage than anything else. Accusing me of phoning it in, youve barely been in to work No kidding Ive barely been to work.. My wife is dead, something horrible happened to her, maybe my boys are at risk too how can I forget all that and go to work, for Gods sake?
Anyway, I told him he could have it. That stopped him cold Youre telling me youre gonna give up your lifes work over this? Watch me, Mike. Its yours.
My sons need me and my wifes investigation needs me. Those two things are all that matter to me now. Ive been canvassing the neighborhood, asking questions I swear, a lot of people conveniently arent home when I knock. Maybe they dont want to face a grieving widow or the man they think killed his wife.
A fire doesnt just start. Im convinced now that someone was in my house that night. Its the only way any of this even starts to make sense. I started digging around at the library. Im collecting old police files, going through microfiche looking for any fires, arsons, with similar Mos. Im gonna find this guy, and when I do God forgive me
December 11, 1983
Sammy has finally started sleeping through the night, and now that Dean shares a bed with him, hes out like a light as well. But me I close my eyes and she4s there. It always starts the same, Im seeing her as she was before that night, beautiful and happy and alive. And Im not seeing it, Im living it, its like Im there its so real, I know I can reach out and touch her. And so I do I reach out and suddenly Im back to that night, to the blood and the fire and Mary, Mary is on the ceiling, and how did she get on the ceiling she cant be on the ceiling
Heres the weird part. When I wake up, sweating and panting I swear there is something there. I can feel it, hovering over me, over my boys. Its watching, its waiting, I think its even mocking me You couldnt stop this. You couldnt keep her safe. You cant keep them safe.
Got a few things from the house today couple of photos, a toy or two the firemen recovered. They saved one of my guns an antique single action revolver. Wont really do much damage but I plan to put it under my pillow tonight just the same.
December 13, 1983
I called the police again Nothing. All the forensics are back, and they didnt find a thing. No fingerprints, no DNA, no blood, nothing at all left of my wifes body, no sign of anyone else in that house. Exactly the kind of crack police work Id expect. The investigators tell me an electrical short caused the fire. I asked them to show me the proof, to tell me which wire shorted out. And they couldnt. Just some stupid mumbo-jumbo about burn marks and fire forensics and no hard evidence which is to be expected, given the severity of the fire. The one thing they did say was that all the evidence points toward the nursery ceiling as the fires flashpoint. Which doesnt make a kit if sense from a firemans perspective almost all electrical fires start in the walls. But to me it makes a heck of a lot of sense to me.
December 14, 1983
I actually fell asleep last night then woke up in a cold sweat five minutes later. Feeling that presence again and thinking about something I read in one of the books I got the other day. They were mostly books about fires, how they start, how quickly they spread but one of them talked about strange fires, fires with no explanations it said that some people believe fire can be controlled by certain evil entities, beings, and used to harm people. Its crazy, the stuff of fairy tales like fire-breathing dragons, right? But then I remembered when I went back into Sammys room that night, when I tried to get to Mary the fire leapt out. Leapt out at me like it had a purpose, like it wanted to keep me away, to stop me from reaching her. Like someone was controlling it.
That night Mary, on the ceiling I convinced myself I imagined it, made it up somehow. But now I know, without a doubt she was up there. I dont care what anyone says, the police or Marys family, or Mike. Let them call me crazy. I know what I saw.
I dont have answers yet, but the questions are clearer in my mind. Something horrible happened in the babys room. Someone or something killed my beautiful wife.
I was up all night, thinking it over wish I could talk to Mike, but hes already telling me I need help. So this morning, first thing, I went out and bought some more books. Not about fire, but about other things. Unexplained things. I also bought two new pistols and a shotgun. Just in case.
December 17, 1983
I met someone someone who I think might be a friend, to me and the boys. For the last couple of days Ive been visiting well, psychics, I guess would be the term. I wandered past a place, and I dont know, I just walked in. Two months ago I would have laughed out loud if anyone told me Id be doing this, but at this point Im not sure where else to turn. Anyway, I went inside it was a total scam. I watched this guy read some palms hed just parrot back what people were telling him, or give them broad stuff someone you love is worried and they ate it up. Like I said, it was bull, but for some reason, later that afternoon I went to another then today, I went to Missouri. And the second I walked in, I cant explain it it was like wed been friends for years. She knew every detail, not just of my life, but also of me my thoughts fears. She was the first person who didnt look at me like I was crazy when I told her my story she just listened, and nodded, and then she told me she believed me.
An hour later I was back with the boys. For some reason I wanted her to see them, to meet them maybe to tell me they were okay. They both loved her immediately Sammy sat in her lap the whole time, smiling, and Dean talked nonstop he never does that anymore. I dont know, if it were just me, maybe I wouldnt trust her, but seeing the boys warm up to her like that Theres something there. I think she can help me.
December 20, 1983
Im gonna try to get this down I swear, Im shaking so badly I can barely write. I just got back from my house Missouri said she needed to go there, to really get a sense of what happened. I dont know how to explain what I felt first of all, just being there, in the home where I lived with my wife, in my baby boys nursery, seeing it all burned and barely recognizable. Already it feels like a different era, a different life part of me can hardly remember what it was like to feel normal, but the rest of me I could barely breathe, I wanted it all back so much.
Missouri shaken as freaked out too She said she could feel the evil, she could sense the echo from that night of a horrible presence that was there. She felt it, felt that thing that did that to us, to my wife.
Missouri couldnt tell me what it was, - shed never encountered anything like it but she told me that it was the most powerful, awful thing shes ever come across.
December 23, 1983
We left Mike and Kates place this morning. I just couldnt stay there anymore, and I cant explain why. I feel like I cant explain anything in my life any more. I just knew I had to take my boys away. I got up at the crack of dawn, loaded them in the back of the car while they were still sleeping. Maybe we should have said goodbye but something in me said we should just go, now, fast and quiet. Whatever did this to Mary theres no trace of it here. Its time to move on. Im beginning to understand that theres nobody else but me. If I want answers, Im going to have to find them myself.
December 25, 1983
Didnt sleep again last night. Woke up in a cold sweat and realized it was Christmas. Wheres Mary? That was my thought all night, and it stayed in my mind all day. Christmas without my wife seems unreal. Out celebration was clumsy a crooked two foot tall plastic tree, a bunch of junk food stuffed in the stockings, and a pile of sports equipment for the boys football, basketball, soccer. My attempt to bring back some normalcy. Already Dean is too big for T-ball, this year well be going to real Little League games. Or rather, Ill be going to the games. Alone.
Mary will never see Dean hit a home run. Shell never see Sammy walk, or hear him say his first words. She wont take Dean to his first day at school, or stay up all night with me worrying the first night he takes the car out. Its not right that shes not here, and thats all I could think about today. Im so angry I can barely see straight I want my wife back.
The police have officially declared our case closed. What a Christmas present, huh?
January 1, 1984
Today a new year begins. Mary loved this time of year; she loved the idea of a fresh start for everyone. She always made a resolution, one a year, and unlike most people, she kept hers. And every year she tried to talk me into making one, but I could never see the point. I wish I could have seen her diary. Maybe it would help me remember her. Maybe it would clue me in to some over her secrets. Maybe thats the point of a diary. Keep your stories, your life, from dying. So that other people dont forget.
God I wish the boys could have known Mary for longer.
This year Im making a resolution. Im going to find out what happened to my wife.
I hope you like it
__________________
John,Patrick,William,Danny,Judah,Dale and Sam...and more than that....this is JDM
This Is the Diaries of John Winchester I hope you going to like it (some of them)
November 6, 1983
I buried my wife today. Even as I write that down, I dont believe it. Last week, we were a normal family eating dinner, going to Deans T-ball game, buying toys for baby Sammy. But in an instant, it all changed when I try to think back, get it straight in my head I feel like Im going crazy. Like someone ripped both my arms off, plucked my eyes out Im wandering around, alone and lost and I cant do anything.
Mary used to write in these books she kept by the bed. She said it helped her remember all the little things, about the boys, me I wish I could read her journals, but like everything else, theyre gone. Burned into nothing. She always wanted me to try writing things down. Maybe shes right, maybe it will help me to remember, to understand.
November 13, 1983
Nothing makes any sense anymore my wife is gone, my sons are without their mother the things I saw that night. I remember hearing Mary scream, and I ran, but then everything was calm, for just a second Sammy was fine and I was sure I h ad been hearing things too many horror movies too late at night. But then there was the blood, and when I looked up, my wife.
Half our house is gone, even though the fire burned for only a few hours. Most of our clothes and photos are ruined, even our safe the safe with Marys old diaries, the boys savings bonds, what little jewelry we had all gone. How could my house, my whole life, go up like that, so fast, so hot? How could my wife just burn up and disappear?
